I Must Betray You
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I Must Betray You by Ruta Sepetys is a young adult historical fiction novel set-in communist Romania just prior to the revolution. While recommended ages 12-17, from the outset, I would like to simply establish that due to the possible disturbing content of the text I would recommend this novel 16+.
The narrative is told primarily in first person following Cristian, a seventeen year old young man, questioning his life and the lack of hope he has for a future. He lives in a small apartment with his parents, his older sister, Cici, and his beloved grandfather, Bunu. While first person narration, the story is situated as more a retelling of events. Cristian is often inserting comments of what he did wrong or thoughts of what he didn’t know at the time. This structure develops intrigue in the reader to know more. Additionally, Sepetys inserts “reports” from secu periodically throughout the story that adds to the suspense and tension as what Cristian thinks is private actually isn’t.
The story opens with Cristian attending school and mentions his crush on a girl named Liliana. Bunu is ill and Cristian is deeply concerned for him. Cristian is approached by one of the secu and essentially forced to become an informant for them in order to keep himself out of trouble and to secure medicine for Bunu. He is to befriend the son of an American diplomat and inform on what he finds out. Cristian’s mother cleans for the diplomat and supposedly “refuses” to inform on them. While there are so many details and dynamics revealed in this powerful story that speaks to the heart of what the Romanian people endured, I cannot possibly do it justice or summarize it all. Ultimately, due to the lack of trust - Cristian believes his best friend Luca informed on him, the relationship with Liliana becomes strained (but they do reunite by the end), Bunu is brutally beat to death, Cristian uncovers that his sister is an informer and with nothing left to lose he places his private notebook in the desk of the American diplomat knowing that if it is found by anyone else it will mean his death. In the end, Cristian survives the revolution but learns that his sister was actually a double agent and must live with the regret and shame of their last moment together.
Stories like I Must Betray You, while works of historical fiction, are powerful and necessary to inform readers of the world outside their own and to give voice to the tragic lives and experiences others have faced. This is a novel worth reading, but one that shouldn’t be entered into lightly and would be a great upper high school companion for private study in a history curriculum. A way to give a voice and perspective to what is often seen as facts.
Specific notes:
In his notebook Cristian writes English words to describe a group. He uses the words “Bootlicker. Butt-kisser. Fawner” (20).
On page 21 there is a mention of a baby mauled to death by dogs.
On page 33 there is a scribbling on the elevator to the apartment that is translated as “Life is like shite” (33).
The communist leader in the novel, Ceausescu had a program in place that watched women of child bearing age and incentivized lots of pregnancy to increase the population and workforce. Cici returns home one day and claims she was “examined” at work. The narration follows, “Women were periodically checked for pregnancy at their place of work. The makeshift gynecological exams by medical inspectors were disgusting and humiliating, not to mention unsanitary.” [...] “What could I say to my own mother who had to suffer the same indignity? Their bodies were owned by the State” (35-36).
Early in the novel and again towards the end there is clear budding romance between Cristian and Liliana. On page 44, while watching a contraband American movie, Cristian expresses the difficulty of paying attention with her so close. On page 73 they are in a dark apartment as Cristian holds Liliana. There is also a mention of astrology in their conversation leading up to this on page 72. On page 76, Cristian sees Alex, Liliana’s older brother, and wonders if he knows that he “held [Liliana] in the dark? Did he know that I had thought about her all night?” On page 86, Cristian expresses a desire to see Liliana again and to kiss her. On page 242 Cristian and Liliana do kiss for the first time and there is a small paragraph in which he details kissing every part of her face. They kiss again on page 275 and Cristian confesses to her that he loves her. They kiss again on page 283.
Tampons are mentioned on page 57, Cici has some hidden in a secret box. Later, Cristian goes through her box looking for his knife and there is a mention of “a wrapped square called “Trojan” also in her box (200). There is nothing more described except this mention.
Cici is later caught in a car with an agent referred to as Paddle Hands. There is a mention of “his huge mitts foraging my sister’s lap” and her smeared lipstick on page 212.
“Damn it” is used on page 63.
There is a mention on page 94 about an agent that “probably craps five eggs per morning.”
“Pop culture crap” on page 106.
Cristian has a dream about “a plastic bag over my head, cinched at the neck” (122).
Mention of suicide on page 148 and 260.
The description of Bunu’s death on page 153-154 could be a bit much for some readers. “His open eyes stared hollow and his mouth pulled wide, as if living a silent scream, gasping for freedom [...] Bunu’s hands lay like broken birds [...] Bunu’s bare feet had been clubbed beyond recognition.”
Cristian is told to “go to hell” by Luca on page 161.
The word “bastards” is used a couple of times in the novel - one is on page 196.
“Ass” is used on page 206.
Cristian and Liliana, as well as others, are taken prisoner. There is a mention of torturous streaming and “a patch of hair, still attached to a piece of scalp, lay discarded” (227). Cristian faces a severe beating which follows the notice of the scalp. Additionally, a dog appears and he wonders if the dog will first attack his groin or face (229).
“‘Because we’re not shit’” appears on page 244. In this scene the children are being forced to clean feces.
On page 257 there is a young man with his eye dangling from its socket.
The leaders are caught and executed by firing squad on page 281.
In the epilogue, the description of Cici’s dead body is given. “Dumped between two buildings; beaten, bent, and buckled with bullets” (286).
Quotes:
“‘Words are weapons. I’ll be able to fight our American and British enemies with words, not only guns.’
That’s what I said.
[...]
In reality, my desire to speak English had nothing to do with fighting our enemies. [...] And if I spoke English, I could better understand song lyrics that I heard illegally on Voice of America broadcasts” (3).
“What sort of human being preys on teenagers and uses a sick grandfather as a bargaining chip? Why didn’t I refuse and tell him to drive his black Dacia straight to hell? Why did I give in so quickly? [...] I didn’t yet know the truth: many of us were being followed” (14).
“I didn’t realize I had confused intellect with arrogance. Serious mistake. And the first of many” (26).
“Listen, Ceausescu may be near illiterate, but even I can admit that he’s a statesman and a mastermind. He’s slowly made people believe that he’s a god and we must follow him, blindly. And think about it, Cristi, he starts with toddlers. The little ones are just four years old when they’re indoctrinated” (58).
“I didn’t yet know that sometimes in outwitting others, we accidentally outwit ourselves” (103).
“Chills formed at the back of my neck. It was a netless leap. Suicide, some might say. But I had to try. As the saying goes, better to die standing than live kneeling” (148).
“I left my sister standing in the hallway, crying and begging. The image and sounds still live like ghosts in my mind” (267).
“‘Every one of us. And if you haven’t noticed, the young people have been the bravest. No regrets in bravery’” (271).
“If communism is Paradise, why do we need barriers, walls, and laws to keep people from escaping? A great question indeed. In the days ahead, let us not forget these sentiments as we reflect upon communism’s aim to create a man without a memory” (279).
“And that’s how I eventually ended up at the cemetery, standing at our family gravesite with a manuscript. I’ve spent years panning for truth, interrogating my memories, correcting false narratives, and pondering the fact that when betraying others, we often betray ourselves” (291).
If your reader does read this book, do not let them skip the Author’s Note beginning on page 305. Sepetys gives a beautiful account and tribute to all the people who assisted her in her research for the novel and provides additional historical notes as well as her sources for future research. She writes,
“I hope that through reading I Must Betray You, readers might be inspired to research the histories of the captive nations, the fall of communism in Europe, and, most relevant to this story, the incredible fortitude and endurance of the Romanian people. Romania joined the European Union in 2007 and continues to make progress. How can we assist that progress?
We can share their story.
History is the gateway to our collective story and the story of humanity. Historical fiction allows us to explore underrepresented stories and illuminate countries on the map” (309).
